Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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