omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
