i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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