she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
