my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
