Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
