This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
