she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
