Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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