If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
