Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
