I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
should my penis look like a turkey
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
