is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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