Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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