What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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