I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
