never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
