Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
