he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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