take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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