oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
