I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
