dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
