I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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