Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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