It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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