I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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