u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
