I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
