Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
