So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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