i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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