I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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