...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
