I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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