So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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