Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
