How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
