Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
