He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
