why didn't you poke me back
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
