I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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