she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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