girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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