You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
