She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
