Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
