Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
