i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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