i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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