Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
