I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I puked a lego.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
