Dual....:-)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
