Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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