I got chris browned last night
please come you make the beer taste better
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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