Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
