I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Floor bacon is actually really good
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
