why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
