sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
