So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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